Sunday, June 15, 2014

Sexy Evil Genius


Sexy Evil Genius:

*Group of ex-lovers of one girl show up at a bar expecting to meet girl. They bond and share war stories.*
Zachary: Nikki was wild. 
Miranda: Oh, you're the guy that puked on her shoes.
Zachary: Shut up.
Miranda:Yeah, Nikki once hired a bunch of actors to pretend to be her friends and family for me. She seduced me that night.
Zachary: Yeah, once Nikki pretended to be a Russian Magazine editor to get us into a concert.
Marvin: Once, Nikki kept telling me about her stalker, but there was no one to be seen.
Miranda. Oh yeah! Nikki killed that guy. But she got of by pleading insanity.
Zachary and Marvin: What?!
Miranda: Yeah she poisoned him. They were together for 2 years.
*Nikki walks in*
Nikki: Hey guys! I'm totally sane now. And guess what? I'm marrying my attorney!
Bert: Yo.
Nikki: Let's get some champagne, because I set our wedding date!!!
Bert: You did? Without telling me? I don't know about this.
Nikki: Please...
Bert: Okay. Mwah.
Nikki: Okay cheers! Instead of my funeral, you're all going to my wedding!
Miranda: What?
Nikki: Cuz if Bert had said no to the date, I would have fucking killed myself. Hahaha.
*Nikki goes to the bathroom. Miranda follows her.*
Zachary: She's not insane, she's faking insanity.
Marvin: Yeah, but that's not sane.
Bert: Oh yeah, she's fucking insane. She slept with all the staff at the mental facility to get released.
Zachary: Then why are you marrying her?
Bert: Well it started as a fling. She's so sexy. But then she wanted to marry me. And if I say no she's going to kill me.
*Meanwhile, in the bathroom*
Miranda: Nikki, are you okay.
Nikki: Haha, I'm fine, I'm going to fucking kill him.
*Nikki pulls out gun and gives it to Miranda*
Nikki: It's insurance. Don't worry, I'll only kill him after we're married so that I can steal his money. Hahaha!
Miranda:.... Heh..Heh....okay.
*Nikki walks out of the bathroom. Miranda pulls Zachary into the bathroom.*
Zachary: Are you okay?! Did she try to kill you?!
Miranda: I don't know but she's going to kill someone.
Zachary: But whom?
Miranda: I don't know, let's make out.
*Later, everyone is back at the table.*
Nikki: Ahh, the joy of watching my ex suffer when he drank that bleach I put in his drink.
Zachary: She's not insane, it's an act to get out of jail.
Miranda: Maybe...
Marvin: I don't know, I think she's insane, right Bert?
Bert: Erm....Yeah.
Nikki: Haha I fucking sane. You all fell for my trap. You know, if I were to kill any one of you, I would poison our champagne. 
*Nikki looks at her watch. Everyone glares at their empty glasses.*
Marvin: Oh shit, I'm getting a headache. 
*Marvin falls over.*
Miranda: You killed him?!
Nikki: Ha ha ha. Kiss of death.
Bert: Oh my god!
*Bert tries to strangle Nikki. Miranda shoots Bert in the ass.*
Nikki: Kk, buy guys, luv ya all! Oh, let me take that gun. Thanks! Have a nice evening.
*Nikki drives away. Zachary and Miranda make out.*

The End.

Trailer

         



Saturday, June 14, 2014

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

In a nutshell:

*Austin Powers is a super spy!*
Austin: Groovy baby!
*Oh no! Dr. Evil is getting away! Austin shoots at him after he flies safely into space. Now they are frozen for 30 years so that they can rise again in the future.*
Austin: The 90's are shagadelic, baby!
Dr. Evil: Let's blow up the world for no reason at all!
Vanessa: I am a super smart, self-righteous woman who has made her name in this world. Let's save it, Mr. Powers!
Austin: You're shagadelic, Vanessa.
Vanessa: Haha, nice try. You have bad teeth.
*1 glass of champagne later*
Vanessa: Let's shag!
Austin: No it's not right, baby, you're wasted! So I'm going to shag the enemy instead!
*Meanwhile, in therapy*
Scott: My dad is trying to kill me.
Therapy group: No he's not, it just feels like that sometimes.
Dr. Evil: No, I am trying to kill him actually.
*Austin and Vanessa break into Virtuecon. Roll over innocent security guards. Dr. Evil tries to kill them with mutant sea bass. Surprise! They escape!
Scott: Dad, they're just going to escape!
Dr. Evil: Shhh!
Scott: But-
Dr. Evil: Knock, knock.
Scott: Who's there?
Dr. Evil: Shhh!
*Dr. Evil launches missile to destroy Earth. Austin stops it. Dr. Evil gets away.*
Scott: Great Dad, first you would've let them kill me, now you leave me again! I hate you! *Slams door*
*Headquarters blows up. Only Vanessa and Austin survive.*
Austin: Now let's get married and shag baby!

The End.

Actual Trailer